Dying to Be Thin
Every where
you look on TV, in magazines, and in movies you see waif
like models and women with a huge chest and a tiny waist.
Women who weigh less than you or I did at 14. Magazines
like Victoria's Secret have models who are so skinny you
can count their ribs. Models who probably have to not eat,
or purge what they do to look like they do. It does not
matter that some of the pictures could be airbrushed, in
our mind we see skinny. It is every where.
Calista
Flockhart, Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lara Flynn
Boyle, Courtney Cox-Arquette. They are all almost
emaciatingly thin. Yet we would give our left arm, to be
that skinny. Why does being so thin have such a huge
impact on us a society on us as normal women?
Most
woman will do anything to lose weight. We spend hundreds
of dollars on weight loss products and still don't
succeed. The diet and diet related industry is a 50
billion dollar a year enterprise.***The fear of being fat
haunts many a woman. We will do anything to lose weight or
not to gain it.
Even if it
means jeopardizing our health. Sometimes the weight is the
only thing people can feel like is in control. “When a
person feels more pain that they can bear they may choose
self-destructive behavior even more harsh than their
eating disorder. Suicide can look like the only option to
a person in total despair. The eating disorder only helps
the people to not feel their despair.” Says
Psychotherapist Joanna Poppink who specializes in treating
eating disorders.**
The average woman in America
weighs 145 and is 5”4. The average model weighs 117 and is
5”11. Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American
women***. Among women aged eighteen to thirty-five, 75
percent regard themselves as fat even though only 25
percent are overweight. Psychological and cultural studies
confirm that weight is women's “normative obsession” and
that American society is obesophobic.*
Most of us know someone or have
dealt with our self anorexia, bullimia or some type of
abuse like laxatives, bingeing or diet pills, in order to
lose weight. I know for myself that I have battled with my
weight and I have been “tempted” with these things. I have
tried cramming a tooth brush down my throat to make myself
throw up. Luckily for me it would not work. I have binged,
I have abused laxatives. I have always thought. “If I
could just lose ten pounds, I would be so much happier!”
As if those extra ten pounds were a load of unhappiness
that would be magically transformed if they disappeared.
I have always thought I would be
so much happier if I just weighed 130. That was always the
perfect weight to me. Sadly it still is. But I am not
willing to compromise my morals to get there. I have
discovered that my happiness has nothing to do with my
weight. Especially since right now I am 20 pounds over
weight and I am feeling the best about my body that I ever
have before.
I
have had two kids and I was one of the lucky ones who
gained 80 pounds while pregnant, no matter how much I
worked out and how healthy I ate. So now I have the joy of
trying to lose the-after-baby-weight the right way. I am
determined to not use or abuse. I do not want to hurt my
body. This is the only one I have. If I never get down to
130, at least I feel the best that I have ever felt
before. I feel like I do weigh 130. If only the scale
would agree with me. I am not going to use laxatives or
eat nothing but lettuce. I know women who do. I want be
honest to myself in the way I lose weight. I will not
compromise my values this time around.
A few months ago I realized while
reading my diary (for the past couple of years) that my
weight had nothing to do with the reason why I was
unhappy. I have always thought I would be happy if I had
only lost a few pounds. Looking back in my diary almost
every entry was wishing I could lose weight and at the
time I weighed 135. I would love to weigh that now! But I
am so much happier now. It took me a while to realize that
I needed to talk to a professional about my problems. I
have always dealt with depression, since after having my
son. It was like the postpartum just went on forever. Then
I had another child and it was worse. My sister persuaded
me to ask my doctor it. My husband thought I should as
well. It is hard to admit to yourself that you might have
a problem. I had always just thought my weight was making
me unhappy. I did not realize that the depression was such
a huge part of my life, for the past 4 years. I talked to
my doctor about it, and he helped me a lot. I am so glad I
finally realized what was the cause of my unhappiness.
Now I am much happier with my
body. I am happy with who I am no matter what numbers the
scale says. How and what I eat have changed dramatically.
I do have bad days and good days, just as everyone does,
only now I don't judge my happiness on the number on the
scale. I also only weigh myself once a week.
I
have chosen to become a Vegetarian and I am also cutting
down on calories by eating veggie cheeses, veggie meats,
low-carb bread (35 calorie a slice), whole grains, lots of
fresh fruit and fresh veggies. I have lost more weight the
last two months than the past year combined. I got this
incentive from a book called “Picture Perfect Weight Loss”
by Dr. Howard Shapiro. I highly recommend this book. It
completely changed my way of thinking in terms of eating.
You can check it out at your local library, or buy at a
bookstore, it runs about $30.No longer do I give myself a
guilt trip because I ate some chocolate. No longer do I
weigh myself every day. I feel so much better about myself
at 155 pounds, much better then I ever did when I weighed
135. I would still like to get down to 135, but I am doing
it the right way, and I have never felt better.
If you would like to e-mail me
about this please do so, I would love to talk about eating
healthy and encouraging you. Email me at:
Julia Black.
Resources:
* “Fasting Girls” By Joan Jacobs
Brumberg
** Joanna Poppink “ The Basics on
Eating Disorder Psychotherapy: How it works”
Psychotherapist specializing in treating eating disorders,
full article at
http://www.joannapoppink.com
***
www.eatingdisorderinfo.org Joanna Poppink,
L.M.F.T. licensed marriage and family therapist
Psychotherapist in private practice specializing in eating
disorders 10573 W. Pico Bl. #20 L.A., CA 90064 U.S.A.
(310) 474-4165
joanna.poppink@verizon.net
Web
site:
http://www.joannapoppink.com
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