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Planning Ahead
At this time of
year, when children are looking forward to the freedom of
summer, most parents find themselves scrambling for
programs and activities to keep them occupied during those
lazy, "laid back" months. It can be especially important
for working parents, who need to supplement a child's
extended hours at daycare or with babysitters. And many
families end up opting for summer school simply to give
their children something structured to do for another six
weeks.
Even though
summertime is a great time for extended family projects,
and working on some of those areas that "slip through the
cracks" during the busy school year, it can also present a
few clashes in the family system. That's because -- in
most cases – it is only the children who are on vacation,
and not the parents. It's a common problem. But one that
can be greatly diminished by taking a closer look at the
difference between a children's vacation and an
adult vacation. According to Mr. Webster, the definition
of a vacation is, "temporary freedom from duty or work."
Which is true in both cases. But there the similarity
ends…
 Many
things that are considered relaxing for an adult are
burdensome to a child. In the same way, many things that
an adult would never dream of as fun, can provide hours of
entertainment and pleasure for children. What's more, the
great majority of these things do not come in the form of
"packaged deals" put together by experts. Have you ever
wondered how a child can be bored when their own room
holds a wealth of toys, games, television, and other such
entertainments? It's because there are limits to the
number of times they can do the same activities over and
over without mental or physical variations.
The only time
this is not evident is during the toddler stage, when it
seems amazing that one can be so amused with things like
emptying everything out of a cupboard and then putting it
all back in… only to repeat the process again, and again.
But then there is even a limit for this behavior because
after the few short months this stage persists, even a
little human being has had quite their fill of it. A
person might enjoy organizing a cupboard now and then, but
that is the only indication that it was ever a thrill.
For the most part, humans thrive on stimulation.
Contrary to
popular opinion, total bliss would not be having
absolutely nothing to do. Which is proven by the fact
that even Adam, in all his perfection, was given a garden
to amuse himself in, and the entire animal kingdom to
classify. After which (we are told) he tried ruling the
world but it didn't work out. A few of his descendants
have popped up now and again through history to try their
hand at it, but it didn't work out for them, either. Up
to this point it seems that democracies work better for
the majority of a population rather than dictatorships.
The point being, that it is human nature to do more and
more… not less and less.
Which is why
any parent runs up against opposition when there are more
"don'ts" than "do's" in a child's daily routine. Which
brings us back to summer. The secret to having a
successful summer is not having less routine, just a
different one. Change is refreshing. Being in a state of
suspended animation is not, as any time traveler will
attest to. And if you are beginning to feel a bit
uncomfortable at the little bounces between what's real
and what isn't in this article…brace yourself… we're going
to make a brief visit back to the world of children…
 Not
only is anything possible, almost anything can be exciting
if accompanied by the right amount of enthusiasm.
Which can be good or bad, depending on where the ideas
come from. Add an accomplice, or two, and the enthusiasm
can be "pooled" for multiple effect. Children have an
amazing capacity for enthusiasm. The good news is they
are also extremely susceptible to it. Which many parents
see as a problem but it doesn't have to be. Because it is
human nature for children to be -- first and foremost –
enthusiastic about what their own parents are enthusiastic
about. So, if they don't get it from you, it's only
natural that they will be more vulnerable to others.
Another thing
that has an amazing effect on the world of children is
imagination. They are exceptional at this,
especially if given the least bit of opportunity. In
fact, a child's imagination is so well-honed, that the
"real world" is often less real to them than their
imagined one. Children these days get most of their fuel
for this fire from television, which can also be good or
bad, depending on what sort of standard a parent has set
for them. Once again, it is the parents who hold the most
forceful hand in this game, also… but only if they choose
to. Left to themselves, children will use whatever is at
hand.
The third key
to unlocking a child's world is variety.
Children who are kept constantly on the edge of exploring
new territory will not even think about straying. It's
all they can do to keep up with where they are. So, it
becomes vitally important when setting up a schedule of
activities for children, that those activities are
challenging enough to keep them engaged. One of
the most frequent problems facing young people today is
not so much that our modern entertainment systems have
diminished their attention spans, as that those same
systems often fail to sufficiently engage their interest
long enough to strike up genuine involvement.
In keeping
children "occupied" almost any activity will do. However,
there are some definite pros and cons to consider when
making choices. Following are some tips that will help
make that necessary decision process a little easier:
¨
KEEP THEM ON THEIR TOES. Don't wait
until your children are bored before you try to think up
something for them to do. Stay a step ahead of them by
offering several acceptable choices that
they may choose from before they reach that point.
¨
STAY A STEP AHEAD OF THEIR LIMITS.
Children enjoy learning something new and striving to
master it. If your activity suggestions lose their
interest too soon, chances are, your offerings are too far
below their capabilities. A good challenge is thrilling
in the world of children, simply because – unlike adults –
they have nothing vital to lose in taking one on, and
always something enticing to gain.
¨
SURPRISE THEM BY STEPPING OUT OF YOUR
WORLD. Children have amazing powers of perception,
and often know us better than we do, ourselves. If you
love reading and your idea of a fun time is a trip to the
library, the declaration that during summer they will get
to visit that wonderful place at least once a week is not
going to be much of a surprise. However, if you check out
a book on entomology and call them out to the garage in
order to construct a habitat in which they will be able to
collect and study bugs for the summer… science begins to
take on a whole new meaning.
¨
MAKE YOUR HOME A HUB. Uncomfortable
about where and with whom your children will be playing
this summer? Start building a rocket in your backyard.
You do not have to be a NASA expert in order to do this.
It doesn't even have to have an engine or the capacity to
actually "blast off." And if your end result turns out to
look more like the north blockade of Fort Laramie instead
of a spacecraft when you're through… it really doesn't
matter. If it's something kids can work on and crawl
through, your children will stay busy at it for weeks. So
will half the rest of the neighborhood. The same holds
true for a clubhouse, a miniature golf course, or anything
else you can come up with that they will have to build on
their own. Note: don't be cheap on materials,
here. Remember, children need fodder for their
imaginations. Make sure they are supplied with plenty of
things to work with, as well as pictures and directions to
follow in order to succeed. It is also helpful to put an
end to the project along with summer, (or before, if
interest wanes), so they can overcome their natural
propensity to leave messes after the fun is over.
¨
LET THEM TRY SOMETHING NEW. Is
Johnny on a community soccer team every year? Let him try
a different sport this summer. Or maybe even a different
activity all together. He might enjoy a stint at
children's theater or music lessons. And if it turns out
he is tone deaf or freezes up in front of an audience, it
is only a temporary "try" to see if he likes it, rather
than a failure. Encourage him that it often takes testing
many different things before a person finds out what their
real likes and dislikes are. And don't forget to praise
him for being brave enough to try. There are many adults
who spend entire careers at jobs they do not like because
the prospect of trying something new is terrifying.
Teaching a child to enjoy trying new things once in awhile
can make life easier for them later on.
¨
PARTICIPATE IN A FAMILY PROJECT.
Choose something (other than the regular two week
vacation) to do together as a family every summer. Learn
about fossils and go on a "dig" for dinosaur bones. Make
a "home movie" of a favorite book and let the kids make
sets and act out the different parts. This does not have
to be done all at once, but in little bits and scenes, so
that the "grand premier" can be a grand finale to the end
of summer. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you
want, and will provide a chronicle that will last long
after summer. Or, read up on some local history in your
state and take some weekend trips to interesting places…
it's surprising how little we often know about the places
we grow up in.
¨
CREATE A VACATION ATMOSPHERE. One
family who had three boys decided that during summer, the
children would not have to make beds, take baths, or wear
clothes until school started, again. They didn't even
insist that they eat regular meals. Sound a little too
far out? They did this by letting them sleep in sleeping
bags instead of their beds, go swimming as many times as
they wanted every day in the backyard pool, and not having
to wear anything but bathing suits unless they were going
out in public. What's more, the center of the kitchen
table was set with a constant supply of peanut butter,
jelly and bread so that the boys could make their own
sandwiches any time they felt the need. The results? The
boys thought it was one of the best summer vacations they
ever had. Total freedom. Go figure.
 Planning
ahead for summer doesn't always mean the same old things
for the same old reasons. Most kids are good for little
more than a week or two when allowed to get up late, watch
unlimited TV and stay up until all hours every night.
After that, they will resort to bickering, complaints of
boredom, needling each other and even needling you, if you
ignore them too much. With a little enthusiasm,
imagination, and variety on
your part, staying ahead of your children instead of
letting them run ahead of you, can automatically defuse a
lot of things most parents dread about facing another
"long, hot summer." It doesn't even have to take more
time. You can do it by trading the time you would be
spending anyway in settling disputes, spending too much
money, or tracking your children through the neighborhood
to see what they're up to…
For simply
planning ahead.
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