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A
Child Raising Children
As a young mother, I feel
that I face many additional pressures in parenting. I see
strangers look at me disapprovingly when my children are
acting up in the grocery store and I can't help feeling
that they would be more lenient if I were an older, more
mature mother. I am twenty-five with three children under
the age of five, but people often think I'm only about
seventeen. I am a young woman who taught preschool for
three years, took numerous child development courses, read
whatever parenting manuals I could get my hands on, and
finally quit my teaching position to work fulltime in an
office in order to make ends meet financially. I am not a
'teen mom', I am not a statistic, and I am not using
people's tax dollars by going on welfare while I sit at
home and have more babies. However, time after time I am
faced with expressions of shock and insensitive comments
from strangers who realize that I am not babysitting.
It's puzzling to me why
people first feel that I need to be educated on birth
control. It's as if I had all three children by accident
or perhaps because I simply didn't know any better. I do
know all of the rules regarding birth control and I
understand that jumping up and down after sex, pulling out
before ejaculation, and douching are all inappropriate and
ineffective. I am aware of the pill, injections, IUDs,
condoms and, of course, abstinence. Still, people seem to
be under the mistaken impression that perhaps I was a
juvenile delinquent who must have skipped health class to
smoke pot in junior high. Whether in the pediatrician's
waiting room or at a friend's birthday party, many
well-meaning parents bring up the discussion of birth
control to me as I watch their children pretend to shoot
my children with toy guns.
 Being
as young and irresponsible as I am, I have very
unreasonable rules for my children to live by. They are
not to play with guns, swords, or other weapons. They are
not to play with toy replicas of these items, either.
They are not allowed to watch cartoons or movies which
involve characters that use violent items, threaten to use
violent items, or even think of using violent items.
Well, actually, my daughter has seen the Power Puff Girls
on more than one occasion, but this was after much begging
and pleading and finally I gave in. Call me
irresponsible, but at least the cartoon portrays strong
females. Besides, it's usually on after bedtime, so she
misses it, anyway.
Which brings up another of my
rules: a bedtime. I know that this is a silly thing of
the past, but I strictly adhere to it. All three of my
children are in bed, lights out, at eight o'clock every
night, including weekends. I believe that not only is
this a necessary downtime for me (when else would I have
time to write this?), but research shows that children
derive many long-term benefits from having a predictable
schedule. Children who have structure in their days tend
to have more energy and confidence, and they are able to
learn new skills more quickly. I see so many children
that are allowed to run themselves to the point of
exhaustion, finally crumpling into a heap around midnight,
and I can't believe it when their parents tell me, "Oh,
he'll go to sleep when he's tired." Sure he will, after
having fits and tantrums for several hours because he's
delirious from lack of sleep! But I wouldn't know,
because I'm only a child myself.
I understand there are
support networks for young, inexperienced mothers like
me. From my observations, I would say that these other
young mothers are within my age range, roughly, and have
children, but beyond that we have little in common. I
don't live with my parents; I live with my children's
father, with whom I've been with for about ten years. I
don't leave my children with babysitters every night so I
can go out and party with friends; I leave them with
grandparents once every month or two, occasionally
overnight. I live in a very different world from other
people my age. Unfortunately, I also live in a very
different world from other parents.
 There
is a piece of advice that I tell my children nearly every
day, and once in a while my oldest daughter even reminds
me: "Don't pay attention to what other people think or
say about you, because you are the only person that has to
live with you all the time." I tell myself this because I
know that my children are blessings, not accidents, and I
know that I am doing a wonderful job as a parent
regardless of how people think I became one. My oldest
daughter will remind her friends that guns hurt people and
she tells them that she will not play with them unless
they are playing nicely. If they continue to play
shooting games, she will walk away and find something to
amuse herself rather than follow the group. My son wraps
his arms around my neck every night after I sing his
lullaby and he whispers, "Momma, I love you whole wide
world" in my ear before kissing my cheek. My youngest
daughter lights up every room she enters with her bright
eyes and deep belly laugh.
I find consolation in the
fact that although other parents may look down on me for
having three children at an age where I should be
finishing up college and building up financial security, I
am in a world where I can teach my children that money is
hard-earned and time together as a family is a luxury that
material possessions cannot compete with. While being
excluded from my peers, I am able to focus my spare time
and energy in art projects, games, and outings with my
children. They know without a doubt that they come first
in my life and I know that they love me unconditionally.
So, when people come to me with their lectures, I just
gather my little ones around me and let the words fall on
deaf ears. This is one ability I did carry on with me
from my teenage years.
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