Custody And Divorce

Although the entire divorce procedure is difficult, the battle over custody of the children is usually the most trying part of the whole process. This is where emotions tend to overtake rationality and tempers flare the hottest. The subject of the children is a tender one to touch upon. Legal counsel may need to intervene just to keep sparring parents at arm's length. A calm, rational dialogue between the divorcing parties is needed most in the discussion of custodial and visitation rights to determine what is in the best interest of the child or children but it is not always easy to remain calm in such circumstances. If you can settle this issue, the judge will more than likely go along with the decision the parents have agreed upon. There was a time when the mother used to get custody unless she was proved unfit for some reason but this is no longer the case. The decision is based on what is best for the children.

Most parents want to be granted sole custody of their children. In a sole custody arrangement the parent that the child will be living with has full physical and legal custody. The parent having sole custody would have the right to make all decisions concerning the child or children while the other parent would have visitation rights. During child custody proceedings the parents are usually thinking more on an emotional level rather than a logical one. Sole custody may be preferred but it may not always be in the best interest of the child. If both parents can be civil to each other they should sit down and discuss what would be best for the children. Many factors will help determine the best course. The best type of custody may depend upon the living arrangements of each individual parent, financial stability, work conditions and so forth. Necessary adjustments may be needed in cases such as parents living in two different states or countries, a parent that has a job that keeps them on the road a good portion of the time or personal preferences of a parent or child. For instance an older child may choose to live with one parent for a particular reason. All of these factors need to be taken in to consideration before a final decision is made.

Joint custody may be the best course for all involved. In joint custody both parents play a role in making decisions affecting and maintaining the child's care and well-being although one parent usually retains physical custody. If there is no history of abuse, equal time can be granted to each parent and living arrangements can be worked out to a suitable situation for both parents and children. There are situations where abuse of some sort may be a problem. In this type of case sole custody may be granted and visitation rights may be supervised or even denied. The parents may choose to have shared physical custody for alternating periods. This may be the best course of action if the child is able to deal with the arrangement of living with each parent for a specified amount of time. There is also split custody in which children may be split between the parents when there is more than one child in the family. Each parent would be given custody of one or more of the children. Personally, I do not think that this is the best arrangement. The child then not only becomes separated from a parent but from siblings also. Sole custody or joint custody seems much more beneficial for all.  Spouses should try to agree upon an arrangement and set up visitation rights. If one spouse retains sole custody the child or children should see the other parent as much as possible to maintain a close relationship and children should be given the flexibility to visit parents within and perhaps outside of scheduled visitations if everyone agrees.

Of course, the final decisions will depend upon the individual situation but in most cases where the parents can cordially communicate they can make the determinations with the help of counsel. Where no decisions can be arrived at by the parents or where there is a history of abuse of some sort, custody will be decided by the court and must be abided by. Where civility is present and the parents can work things out between themselves, custody doesn't have to become a battle with children as the prize. Parents must remember that no matter what has happened in the marriage, their first priority is the children and they are what is most important. Their goal should be to make the transition for their children as easy as possible. You don't want your children to feel as if they are in a tug of war and are being pulled apart from both directions. Just because the parents are divorcing each other, the children should not be made to feel as if they have to divorce a parent by choosing between them.

A custody settlement in which the children have the most time with both parents is beneficial for all. Divorce and child custody should not be about winners and losers; it should be about a workable solution. The children have had two parents and there is no reason why they should not continue to enjoy having both parents in their lives. Deciding the custody of the child should impart a fair way of making sure that those who love and care for the child will always remain a part of that child's life unless there are extenuating circumstances that indicate a parent should not be a part of a child's life for reason of protecting that child from a potentially serious situation. The majority of child custody cases can be settled in a manner that is satisfactory to both parents. If you are facing a custody battle, throw down the swords and call a truce. Don't let the anger or hurt that you may be feeling cloud your vision. Work toward a solution that will be best for your child. Children can and should still have the closeness of his or her family even after divorce.