Cheating Affects         Everyone            

When a spouse cheats it affects not just the other half of the married couple but the entire family. Children are very intuitive and may pick up on subtle vibrations that something is amiss in the family circle before the other parent even realizes that his or her spouse is having an affair. Tempers may easily flare and there is a sense of stale tension in the air providing clues to everyone in the household that something is definitely wrong. The cheating parent may be under the misconception that they are not hurting anyone particularly the children. They may not realize how much their personal life can affect their home life. Once the other parent finds out their spouse is cheating they will usually react with anger and hurt. The anger is a normal smokescreen for the hurt that they are experiencing. They will wonder what they did or didn't do to force their spouse to find someone else. They will tend to blame themselves for the infidelity of the spouse. These feelings may lead to depression, anxiety and tension which will inevitably show in their daily lives.

If the child or children are old enough to understand the situation, it will no doubt affect them in some way. Many times the child will try to compensate by being more well-behaved since they believe themselves to be at fault for the parent's marital difficulties. The child may feel that something they have done has driven the parent away. In this case, the child needs to be made to understand that it is nothing they have done and that they are still loved by both parents. It is sometimes difficult to explain this to a young child but in many circumstances an older child can come to terms with the fact that their parents can no longer live together and may be happier with someone else. Even though cheating is a hard subject to approach with a child, it does not have to be detrimental to the child's relationship with the unfaithful parent. If the situation is serious enough between the two parents that it may result in divorce, there will more than likely come a time when the child or children will be introduced to the parent's new interest and the child will need to be prepared for the inevitable meeting.

If the extramarital affair is one that is not to be pursued and the couple has chosen to stay together but it is still a constant reminder of the spouse's infidelity, then this is a situation where the man and woman need to sit down and work it out between themselves. If the child or children are not aware of the situation, there may be no need for them to ever be told of the circumstances, but if they are aware, then it needs to be settled and put to rest between the parents first. It may be difficult to forgive a spouse's unfaithfulness yet it is forgiveness that will begin to heal the rift. Whether or not to discuss the relationship with the child or children will depend on several factors including whether the children already know, their ages, how much discretion the parents have shown regarding the situation and what direction the extramarital affair is headed. If it is in the past, it may be best to leave it there. If the spouse wishes to be with the new interest and the marriage is headed for divorce then the situation will need to be approached eventually.

To think that cheating does not affect everyone in the family is denial. It will affect each member of the household but it does not necessarily have to be purely negative. Although there is nothing positive about telling a spouse or one's family that you have chosen someone else over them, it is better to be honest in one's feelings. The effects can be more harmful when one has to hear from a friend or family member that a spouse is cheating or if a teenage child sees a parent with a new love interest. Some may think that they can continue to cheat without being caught but eventually everything hidden comes into the light. If a marriage is over and there is no hope of mending it, then honesty may be the best bet to sever the ties. Many children grow up healthy and well-adjusted in stepfamilies and learn to enjoy the benefits of an extended family. If a marriage can be saved and both parties wish to reconcile, then by all means, everything in their power should be done to strengthen the marriage bond . Divorce is never easy for children or adults but cheating and dishonesty only add to the pain for everyone involved.