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Going To Extremes
Some
of the most horrendous experiences in life – for parents
and children – can be attributed to the "family
vacation." It
tends to be a time of extremes.
For children, they often find themselves extremely
crowded, extremely hot, extremely wet, extremely tired,
extremely hungry, or maybe even extremely weird.
Like having to sleep in the same tent with an aunt
you never met, who not only snores, but shaves.
For
parents, it's usually a case of having forgotten something
important that "snowballs" into nightmare
proportions. Like
the fact that Sally gets carsick on long winding roads,
and her brother Ben has a sensitive nose.
Or how quickly disasters can occur, and how utterly
useless leftover napkins from a fast-food-stop are for
cleaning up real messes.
And how different places can look in a travel
brochure, as opposed to being there. One can never feel the heat or see the bugs in any of these
advertisements for the ultimate outdoor experience.
What's
more, family vacations seem to be just far enough apart
and offer such unlimited variations, that one can
consistently be caught off guard no matter how much
planning and organization goes into them.
But there is a word for this.
A very good word that is part of what keeps drawing
us back again and again, and keeps us looking for the
ultimate vacation experience.
That word is adventure.
Everyone craves adventure.
Even the quietest and meekest of us have some deep
down craving for it, because it's part of human nature.
And it can be satisfied in many different ways.
 Some
people are content with doing the same thing every year,
which greatly cuts down on the unexpected mishap factor.
Others aren't so easily satisfied but are great at
looking ahead and preparing in advance for all manner of
possibilities. They
are the ones who always bring extra "just in
case." Then
there are those who simply get an idea and go for it.
Although there are numerous ways of taking a
vacation, the main goal of all methods is generally to
relax and have fun.
Which
is why parents are often baffled when children – who
should be having a wonderful time with all this relaxing
and funning – get notoriously cranky, whiney, or even
downright naughty. Which
can turn the best of times into the worst of times, no
matter where you happen to be. The truth is, the problem usually lies in the destination.
Not the physical one, though the symptoms are
physical, which tends to throw people off.
Instead of going to a campground, or a resort, or
even Aunt Nettie's farm for a family reunion, people often
end up taking their children to the absolute worst place
they could ever go…
Which
is to extremes.
 While
children are the best enthusiasts, they are also the most
limited members of the group when it comes to the family
vacation. That's
because they are the only members who are still expending
most of their energy on growth and development, and
therefore have little or no reserves when it comes to
stretching their limits.
What's more, they don't have much experience at
recognizing the symptoms of getting "low on
fuel" and usually "hit empty" before they
even think of pulling over… leaving themselves prime
targets for others who are still speeding down the road.
To be "hit from behind" when you least
expect it, tends to make anyone cranky, or whiney, or even
downright naughty. Nobody
likes getting knocked on their ear.
And it is quite impossible to "have a little
more patience" or "wait just a little
longer" when you have absolutely no patience or wait
left in your tank.
The
answer to this dilemma is to be aware of the unique
limitations of children.
It's important to realize that (under these
circumstances) they have nothing in common with
personality and willpower.
Which is why "What were you thinking?" or
"Can't you wait even—" so often fails to
obtain results in these surroundings. Even more important, it becomes vital for parents to make a
habit of "running point" for their kids, in
order to ward off any unexpected attacks.
That's because it takes an experienced eye to
recognize an "accident waiting to happen," and
experience is what children have the least of.
If you can remember that the greater portion of
everything they do is a first time deal, it will go a long
way toward helping you dole out a little extra
"patience and wait" from your own reserves to
help them compensate.
Here
are several valuable tips to help keep your children from
going to extremes:
¨
TAKE MORE THAN ENOUGH.
Being on vacation – especially outdoors – is
extremely stimulating. Kids tend to eat more, expend more energy and sleep harder
than they usually do at home.
So, plan for extra, even though you know
"Jenny never eats more than…"
Better to have some left over than not enough to go
around.
¨
ALWAYS HAVE A "PLAN B."
Things often don't work out the way they should on
a vacation. If
your canoe trip happens to land you on a river that is
running low this year, with little more than inches of
water on most of the runs… change the main activities to
swimming, sunning, and sightseeing.
Shorter canoe runs are better than hauling,
slogging, and sloshing watercraft and cranky children in
sweltering heat over sand and rock bars for hours, simply
to say you've done what you set out to do.
¨
BE VERSATILE.
Were you planning an old-fashioned cook-out over an
open fire but it turned eight o'clock before you gathered
enough wood and got the thing going sufficiently hot
enough to cook anything?
Don't make the kids wait until nine to finally get
their dinner. Break
out the reliable old camp stove and quick food. Save that nostalgic culinary experience you've been thinking
about for the next day… when you can start the fire
around four, in order to get a meal done by six.
That's the way they used to do it in the "old
days," anyway.
¨
AVOID STRESS OVERLOADS.
Does Jimmy have a hard time sitting still for long
periods? Then
don't expect him to be any different just because you're
headed for Disneyland.
Make a few extra bathroom stops, let him get out
and help when you're refueling, and give him things to
occupy his mind like watching the map and looking for road
signs. It
also helps to give him a little incentive to behave
"until the next stop" by rewarding him with an
occasional treat when he makes it.
Not necessarily food.
It could be anything from a video game at a truck
stop, to a little extra pocket change for that souvenir
he's looking forward to.
¨
FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS.
Has Uncle Howard promised to do all the cooking but
he can't manage to get breakfast on until ten, when your
darlings are up and running at seven? Bring along "emergency rations" for situations like
this. It will
save everyone's patience in the long run.
Most children don't drool over "Denver
Omelets," anyway.
The same goes for activities.
Has everyone voted to ride the "Colossus
roller-coaster" and you know Kathy is secretly afraid
of heights? Then
help her out of the situation by suggesting an alternate
activity without making her admit to the entire crowd why
she would rather not. Even
if it means telling them you're not terribly excited about
heights, and maybe Kathy could "tear herself
away" long enough to accompany you on…
¨
USE CHILD PROTECTION DEVICES.
Got a friend or family member who seems to take
pleasure in criticizing everything the children do?
Run some interference.
Notice one of your kids is sitting off to
themselves and not participating? Find out why. Children
are often bewildered at feelings of inadequacy during
group activities, or embarrassment in public restrooms,
and all manner of other adjustments to "communal
life" that others seem to take in their stride.
This is a good time to explain things and reaffirm
your acceptance of them for just who they are.
No matter how they feel.
¨
TOUCH BASES WITH THE CHILD YOU WERE.
Be tolerant of those "less than perfect"
efforts – or lack of them – and remember what it was
like to feel the warm excitement of playing late into a
summer evening. How
important the little things were, like roasting one more
marshmallow to perfection even though you've eaten enough
to make you sick, already. To stay a bit later for one last ride, or one last dive into
the hotel pool. Or
to be awakened in time to see the fireworks even though
you accidentally fell asleep beforehand.
Like you, your children will never forget it.
 The
family vacation can be a "heads or tails,"
"win or lose" situation, even if you have all
the money in the world to play with.
That's because the most important element in any
family vacation is the family.
Relationships can be strengthened or weakened
during these times, but – as with much of parenting –
it is the parents who hold the upper hand.
Children
rarely go to extremes by themselves, but are usually taken
there – quite unexpectedly – by someone else.
That's because it's their nature to go along with
practically anything.
A parent who recognizes this beforehand and makes
an effort to "steer them clear" of disasters,
will receive something much more valuable than whatever
extra effort they put out to accomplish it.
They will get a more memorable family vacation –
an adventure -- for the whole family.
At the same time, they will impart that wonderful
sense of security that can only come from a parent who has
successfully protected their children…
From going to
extremes.
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