Back to S-cool

This past week, as is my annual pre-school tradition, my son and I went through his wardrobe. I thought that this was going to be the usual exercise in size - what fits stays, what doesn't goes. Wrong! This was an exercise in
what's cool and what's not. This was about my son's desire to "fit in" (and
I don't mean fit into his jeans!).

It is standard parenting knowledge that there will come a day when our
opinion will matter far less than those of our children's peers. For those
of us raising pre-teens, that time is upon us. It seems that we are the
primary influence in our children's life for about the first eight years,
but after that the majority of influence transfers to their friends. However, even though we are starting to feel a bit left behind, it is crucial for us to remember that they still need and want our love and affection.

Charlene C. Gianetti and Margaret Sagarese the authors of "The Rollercoaster Years," a book about parenting pre-adolescents, state that our unconditional love is the fundamental ingredient in raising a stable pre-teen, and that without it, "middlers" can be lost and turn to other means to fill the void. Add to this the fact that the Federal Centers for Disease Controls, reports that the suicide rate amongst children between the ages of 11 and 13 has jumped 120%. It is very apparent that during this tenuous time, we, as parents must strive to find a happy medium between holding on and letting go.

It is important to maintain our personal and familial values while still
allowing for a reasonable degree of self expression. No, we don't want our
daughters dressing exactly like the pop divas of the day, but maybe there is
an element in the stars' style that can be appropriately imitated. No, we don't want our children to choose the wrong companions. But, volunteering to have the group over for pizza and movie will give us a good idea of who they are, and open up the possibility for dialogue about our children's choices, without seeming judgmental. 

We need to educate our pre-teens about sex, drugs, and most importantly the hows and whys of good decision making. It is important for us to treat our children with dignity and respect, while maintaining an extremely strong sense of humor. If you need any help with the latter, may I suggest old photographs of parachute pants and Flashdance- inspired torn t-shirts with leg warmers!