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"The Gimmes"
Ah, birthdays. Games,
cake, balloons and streamers and the unmistakable whine
of, "Mom, buy me that, I waaaaant it nooooow!"
It's enough to make parents wish they could disconnect
their child's sound card. Unfortunately, children come
from the stork, not Microsoft, although I heard a rumor
they're coming out with the InfaGates 3000 next summer.
There are two kinds of
what I call the "Gimmes." The first mainly
affects small children who see something in the store that
they must have immediately, or the entire store will think
someone set off an air raid siren. The second affects
older children and teenagers, who simply MUST have the new
CD/videogame/hot toy du jour or they will stop
breathing. While it may be tempting to buy the toddler the
toy to keep him quiet, or to tell the older child to go
ahead and stop breathing, it won't help anybody in the
long run. Small children are attracted to colorful
packaging and pictures of their favorite characters, while
commercials, TV, and friends influence older children.
That's why you'll see "Sesame Street" characters
on everything from cookies to diapers, and Brittney Spears
on dolls and notebooks.
S o
what's a parent to do? According to marriage and family
therapist Dr. Mara Berkley, the best way to handle a child
who's throwing a fit in the store, is to remove him from
the scene. "You can share understanding by saying
that it's tough to want things you can't have. It does
feel crummy. But their behavior is not going to change
your mind." For a long-term solution, work with the
child to find a compromise that will work for everyone.
Dr. Berkley says, "I think it is always helpful to
acknowledge that this is part of life - learning to live
with not getting what we want, even if there aren't any
needy kids in the world. We also told our son that if he
wanted a Play Station 2, then he had to work and pay for
half of it."
Another way to cut down
on the Gimmes is to limit your child's exposure to
temptation. If you need to buy a toy for a gift, leave
your child with a sitter, or shop online. Most department
and discount stores have websites; that way you can get
what you want quickly, without dealing with the hassles of
long checkout lines and whiny toddlers. Keep an eye on
what television shows your kids watch. Many cartoons are
little more than commercials for products. Older children
can change channels on their own, but for younger kids,
limit their viewing to networks like PBS and the Disney
Channel, neither of which run commercials.
Encouraging your child
to think of others can go a long way towards lessening the
Gimmes. Have him pick out a toy for Toys For Tots, round
up canned goods for a local food pantry, or give outgrown
toys and clothes to Goodwill. Your child may take the lead
because of all the commercials and celebrities asking for
donations for the victims of disasters and terrorist
attacks. Don't try to force your charities on your child;
while you may be a supporter of Amnesty International, he
may not understand political
oppression in another country. He will be able to relate
to another child who doesn't have food or toys. Thinking
of others doesn't have to cost money. If a friend has had
a tough year, have your child help you bake cookies and
deliver them. Flowers from your garden will brighten
anyone's day. Kids will get a kick out of leaving the
treats on the doorstep and running away before the
recipient can catch them. An older child can offer to
babysit for a single parent, or take over mowing Grandma's
lawn. Brainstorm with your child for low, or no cost, ways
to make someone's life easier.
The Gimmes can happen to
the best of kids. Envy is a tough emotion to deal with,
even for adults. They must learn to deal with it though,
or life will be one disappointment or tantrum after
another. If you encourage your child to think of others,
and to work for what he really wants, you'll be laying the
groundwork for a caring, responsible adult. Isn't that
what we want for all our kids?
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