Kids Are Resilient 

 

Although divorce is a difficult transition for everyone involved it doesn't
have to be traumatic. Most of us worry about how divorce will affect our
children, but kids are more resilient that we realize. A parent may remain in
an abusive relationship for fear of causing their child psychological damage
by risking divorce. They may be afraid that breaking up the family would be
emotionally upsetting to the child, but staying in an abusive relationship
can be more harmful to a child's emotional state than divorce. Even if a
parent is the object of abuse and not the child, the situation is still one
of stress and tension, and there is no need for a spouse to remain in an
abusive situation.

If there is no abuse involved but the spouses can no longer live together
for other reasons, one or both parents should sit down and talk to the
children, if they are old enough to be engaged in conversation. Children are
capable of understanding much more than we sometimes give them credit for.
Most children adjust well to divorce, as long as they are shown love and
affection from their parents. Children need to be reassured that they are
not the cause of their parent's divorce, and that they are still loved by
both of their parents            .

If for any reason a child has difficulty accepting his or her parent's
decision to divorce, it may be helpful to have the child see a counselor.
This does not mean that there is anything emotionally wrong with the child,
but it is sometimes easier for a child to open up and talk to someone other
than a parent. A child may tend to blame themselves for the rift that has
developed between the parents, or a child may blame one of the parents for
the absence of the other parent in the household, but these are normal
feelings. If the child shows animosity toward one or both parents, or becomes
depressed, try getting the child to see a counselor in a family setting. Try
to get your spouse or ex-spouse to attend, so that everyone's concerns can be
discussed.

Even children who have excellent communication with their parents, may find
it difficult to talk to them about certain things; especially personal
emotions, such as feelings toward situations that involve their parents. They
may be more comfortable expressing their feelings to someone who is not so
closely connected to them. You will survive your divorce, and so will your
children. Most children, especially the younger ones, usually adjust to new
situations much quicker than adults. Provide your children with reassurance
and love, and they will do the rest. As long as a child knows they are loved
by their parents, and have ongoing relationships with other members of their
family as well as the parents, they should make the transition normally and
naturally. Don't rush them. Give it time and let nature take its course.
There is life after divorce and kids are resilient.