Although bonding with your grandchild should be something that comes
naturally it doesn't always work out that way. If a child does not see his
or her grandparents often the child may tend to be shy when visiting.
Sometimes this cannot be prevented when the parents live in a different area
and there is quite a distance to travel to see them. Visits may be limited
to holidays and the children may only see their grandparents once or twice a
year on special occasions. Under these circumstances it can be difficult for
a child to bond with the grandparents especially when the child is very
young.
This of course has nothing to do with love. It is simply a matter of the
child getting to know their grandparents well enough to feel comfortable
with them. Many young children who spend the majority of time with their
parents become so attached to mom and dad that they cannot bear to be away
from them for even short periods of time. It can be difficult for a child
who is overly attached to the parents when they are left in the care of
grandparents. Some children just prefer mom and dad exclusively even when
they do spend time with their grandparents and other family members. It's
just another phase that some children go through.
My granddaughter is two and a half years old and she is just now starting to
come out of that phase. She has always been extremely close to her parents
and would scream relentlessly if her father even left the room for a moment.
She is now beginning to stay with me for short periods without crying for
her parents. Even though my granddaughter has been around me since her birth
she is still shy without her parents close by. You can try to bond with a
child in several ways by being affectionate, playing games, reading, going
to the park and engaging them in other activities but sometimes it just
takes time. I made every effort to bond with my granddaughter but she just
wasn't ready to be close to anyone but her parents.
Children are just young versions of adults. They are individuals with
separate and distinct personalities. Some of them develop a closeness with
others easily while other children require more time. If your grandchild
does not bond with you as easily or quickly as you would like don't be
upset. There is nothing wrong with you or the child. Children develop at
their own pace and when the child feels comfortable he or she will come to
you. If your grandchild still spurns your efforts to get close just be
patient. Continue to try to develop a loving bond with the child but don't
push it. Let the child interact with you on his or her terms. You will be
surprised when the child decides to climb up on your lap by his or her own
volition. A couple of months ago, my granddaughter wouldn't even give me a
hug. When her father would say "Give grandma a hug" she would defiantly
reply "No." But now she hugs me without being told to. I haven't done
anything different and her parents haven't coerced her into a change of
attitude; she is simply ready now to accept me.
If your grandchild is shy or just doesn't seem close to you, don't feel bad,
you haven't done anything wrong. This type of behavior isn't unusual in
children. It is perfectly normal for a child to be overly attached to the
parents and be distant toward everyone else. When they are ready to accept
others into their inner circle, they will. It doesn't mean that they don't
love you; they just need time to be themselves and develop their own
personality. When they are ready to shower you with love and attention
you'll be glad you waited patiently.
