Toddler Separation Anxiety 

Recently I have decided to place my toddler in a Mother's Day Out program
two mornings per week. I researched, and found a wonderful program close to
home. The teachers were wonderful, and my son seemed to enjoy being there
when I was present. Our first departure was great, no tears, no screaming,
and I congratulated myself on how well adjusted and self assured my little
one must be. Wrong! He just didn't know the drill, the second day was
miserable.

My precious angel was reduced to tears of sadness and frustration, and
around the corner - so was I. When I picked him up a few hours later, he
looked blotchy and heartbroken, and I began to really question my decision -
maybe he wasn't ready. Before I decided to keep him home until graduation, I
thought I might want try to find out some information about separation
anxiety and how to handle it.

According to experts, toddlers are beginning to understand time and
distance. Put simply, they know that when you are not there, you did not
simply vanish - you are out there doing something without them! Children
typically outgrow this stage with the passing of their third birthday, but
the time between 12 months and then, can be difficult for parents and
children alike. Here are some suggestions that I picked up, and I am trying
for myself.

1.      First and extremely important is not to sneak out (I am so guilty of
this one!). This may solve the problem for the moment, but most doctors
would say that this only increases their clinginess the next time because
the child worries that if he looks away for a second -you will be gone.

2.      Try to create a bye-bye routine. My daughter and I have always done
the "see ya later, alligator - after while crocodile" thing, but it is not
so much what you do as it is that you are consistent about doing it the same
way each time.

3.      Leave something of yourself behind. Maybe a picture, or even a
pillow or shirt that reminds your child of you.

4.      Begin slowly. At first, stay with your child for the day if
possible. The next time stay for 30 minutes, but try to return in an hour.
On your next visit stay for just a few minutes, and return when you are
ready. This suggestion may not work well for those parents that are working
or going back to work.

5.      Get your child busy in an activity. When it is time to go, a quick
kiss and then leave. She may cry, but she will probably get back into her
activity quickly.

6.      Help your child learn coping skills. As adults, we understand that
there are times when we are unhappy - children need to learn the same. If
the separation anxiety is just too much, you may have to reassure your child
with a steady voice that everything will be okay, and then go on and leave.

Separation is, at times, hard on both the parent and child. The children are
feeling scared, and the parents are feeling guilty. However, it is important
to remember that this is an important and necessary developmental stage, and
more importantly, that this, too, shall pass.