| When we commit ourselves to the institution of marriage it's for better or worse. But how bad should we let a
situation get before we decide that we can no longer keep our vows? This depends primarily upon the individual and the factors involved in the particular situation. If the problems are of an average nature, and the marriage has
brought forth children, trying to make the relationship work is probably in the best interests of the family. Many people remain in a difficult marriage for no other reason than the children.
 Eighteen years is a long time to stay in a relationship that is falling apart at the seams. The type of problems that are the source of derision in the marriage need to be
evaluated. Look at what is causing the difficulty. Is it incompatible lifestyles, disagreeable personalities, abuse, infidelity, or a combination of
these negative influences, that are tearing your home and family apart? More than likely, a combination of these problems are present, and if something is not done to set the situation right, it could eventually culminate in divorce.
One of the most common and difficult problems for a spouse who is trying to salvage his or her marriage, is when the partner refuses to admit that there is a problem. Being able
to talk to one's spouse honestly and openly, is always a step in the right direction to resolving conflicts. When the lines of communication are closed, problem solving becomes much more difficult, if not nearly impossible. If a
person is unable to see a problem, then he or she will also be unable to see the need for a solution. Oftentimes, those who suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, or emotional and mental disorders, are in a state of denial, and do
not always think clearly or rationally. When engaged in a one-sided conversation, you quickly realize that no solution will be born from lack of communication. Professional help is in order when there is no talking to a spouse.
Many times a counselor is able to break through the walls of denial when a spouse cannot. If a spouse suffers from the effects of severe depression, he or she may tend to
withdraw and stay somewhat isolated. Speaking candidly to your significant other, may produce misinterpreted feelings of hurt and rejection, leaving him or her feeling defensive, and further depressed, even though this is not the
result you intended to bring about. Due to the depressed emotional state, a spouse may tend to take everything that is said as a personal assault.
There are many, many difficulties that can arise throughout the course of married life, such as financial problems or infidelity. Many problems lie within the person, such
as emotional disorders, or alcoholism, which are actually more than problems; they are diseases. A spouse who suffers from an addiction is ill. It may be hard to see this type of individual as such, but it may be easier to try and
understand what you and your spouse are dealing with when you see them as being ill, instead of just being difficult.
 Different people have different levels of strength and tolerance. What one person can deal with, another may not be able to handle. You have to examine the source of the difficulties between you and your spouse. The amount of stress that one must deal with concerning the problems of a spouse, can cause
deterioration of one's physical and emotional state. Dealing with one's own responsibilities and obligations can be taxing enough, but when one has to carry the load for a spouse as well, an eventual drain will occur. If a person
chooses to remain in the relationship, professional help must be sought not, only for the well-being of the ill spouse, but for the preservation of one's self and the relationship. Professional assistance will not offer an immediate
cure-all, and you may be looking at a long hard haul, but at least you will be on the path of healing; for better, not worse.
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