Know What's Important 

As our children grow from dependent child to independent adult, they also go from trusting to testing. And, as frustrating as it may seem at the time, it is a good thing. Pre-teens begin to challenge their boundaries in order to establish their place in the world. These kids are now able to formulate their own thoughts and ideas, and theirs' most likely will not match up to ours all of the time. Therefore, I am guessing that this would be a good time for us as parents to decide what's truly important and what's not. We need to "pick our battles" wisely.

Beginning as young as 10 or 11, children start to feel an incredibly strong need to stand on their own two feet. Unfortunately they don't necessarily speak these needs, many times they scream them! Arguments can run the gamut from clothes to homework, love interests to messy rooms. And, while some of these topics are worth it - others are not, and the fine art of compromise never goes out of style. Winning in this instance is definitely not everything.

Each time you enter into a battle of wills, stop and ask yourself about the consequences of giving in. Devastating or merely annoying? Are there natural consequences that might prove enough? For instance, my pre-teen has to be at school at 6:30 am, and he wanted to stay up an hour late to watch a television show even though we could record it. My first thought? Are you crazy, it is hard enough to get you out of bed without this. My second thought, he is going to really hate that alarm in the morning - let him learn this one on his own. Now, on the other hand, my pre-teen wants to go on a date, something that emotionally he is nowhere near ready to do. I went to the mat on this one, but did offer up a compromise - hosting a group pizza/movie party at my house to which he could invite this young lady.

Creativity is key, and it is also important to remind yourself that the goal in raising children is to create independent adults. So, in reality, if they are bucking a bit here and there, it simply means that you are doing a good job. And, that they are trying to work out the kinks of being independent before they head out into the world. In truth, giving in to some demands while standing your ground on others, not only teaches them good decision making, but it also shows that you are reasonable, and generates trust between you.

This wisdom comes to me at a really good time. Last week my son asked me to help him bleach his hair to a lovely shade of yellow before school started. I swallowed my opinion, and took him to the beauty supply store. Personally, I hate it, but he is thrilled to have such a "cool" mom. I don't worry about his room anymore, either. His grades are good, and he is hanging around a great group of kids at school. I can afford to be generous in the lesser areas!