Part-time Poppins:

The Communication Connection

The Pony Express

Transporting information between the parents and the nanny is an essential for a professional nanny's work day. In addition to keeping a nanny log, which can document any important events, scheduling regular meeting times to express concerns, questions and suggestions is vital for the nanny, the parents and, most importantly, for the children concerned. Taking the time to meet can help a nanny "re-fuel" and validate or correct any parenting concepts that are being used. Unfortunately, nannies don't have a "worst case scenario" handbook, so when something does arise, the "perfect" resolution is often unclear. While a nanny may choose an appropriate and kind method to resolve an issue, the parents may have a preferred method, and at any developmental stage, continuity in parenting is important. Just as consequences should be appropriate to the action, so should family rules and consequences be equally upheld with all caretakers. Even with the assistance of a nanny log, many issues don't arise until the parent-nanny conference, and one-on-one conversation is the swiftest way to receive answers and assistance.

While all schedules regarding children are variable due to sleeping and eating schedules, illness and injury, the unexpected, school, field trips, play dates, etc., it is important to make an effort to schedule a meeting time in advance. Even if a "regular" meeting time every week isn't possible, penciling in meeting times can at least allow for a brief opportunity to discuss those issues that are most pressing. In the interest of time, a nanny should be well-prepared for the parent-nanny conference, bringing a list of questions and concerns. The list can be made throughout the day or week or even throughout the month, using the nanny log as a guide and adding to the list as necessary.

Taking notes during any parent-nanny conference allows the nanny an opportunity to later reflect upon the content of the conversation, and should further questions arise, the nanny has a foundation to work with. It wasn't long ago that I was surrounded by three equally boisterous children: Justin, who wanted to show me how well he could maneuver on the monkey bars; Zachary, who wanted to show me his amazing kicks in his Power Rangers costume; and Catherine, who was quite frustrated that she was unable to negotiate the backyard stairs on her own (due to the fact that I was blocking the way). Inevitably, Justin and Zachary invaded each other's "space bubble," and the boys began to argue back and forth. The children rapidly began to escalate, each for their own reasons, and while I remained calm, it made me smile to remember what I had written down as a resolution for a "reprimand alternative:" Stern Face.

Stern Face is successful because it allows me to refrain from using an unkind tone of voice, but conveys my displeasure with a statement or action just as effectively. After making my best Stern Face at the older children, they immediately took the volume level down a notch. The fact that I had taken the time to write down "Stern Face" with my meeting notes, as silly as it may have seemed at the time, cemented the concept in my brain and made it easier for recall when I needed it most. The situation ended with smiles all around as Catherine was assisted up the stairs by myself and a valiant Power Ranger, after which Zachary, Catherine and I watched Justin whiz around on the monkey bars.

While the Pony Express provided vital information for people across miles and miles of land, the parent-nanny conference provides vital information across the span of a day, a week or a child's sad or proud moment.

A Horse of Another Color

Just as there are different ways to resolve issues, so are there different perspectives to each situation. While pairing a nanny and a family is both an art and a science, it isn't possible that the nanny and the parents will always see things in the exact same way. A parent-nanny perspective comparison can shed light on a situation, with the ultimate goal of finding the best assistance for the child. It is also possible that the real solution is somewhere in between and is a mixture of both solutions.

Different suggestions and viewpoints assist the nanny and the parents with assisting one another. Justin had escalated several weeks ago and I had been at a loss for the events leading up to the escalation. He was upset, but hadn't expressed to me what, exactly, he was upset about. At a later parent-nanny meeting, I was able to find out that Justin was tired and hadn't felt well, which decreased his ability to handle a stressful situation. Colleen had also witnessed Justin's reaction, and she explained that it was appropriate, considering how Justin felt and factoring in other stresses and a lack of sleep.

Talking out a particularly stressful situation can be validating and provide support for all interested child caretakers. It isn't always possible to avoid every injury and every argument between children, regardless of how attentive a nanny may be. Having the reassurance and support of a concerned parent makes all the difference for a nanny, just as a concerned and committed nanny supports a parent's concerns for their child's well-being.

It is possible that a parent and a nanny can both be present during a situation and later ask each other, "Did you see that?" with opposite answers and opinions on the issue: horses of a different color, regardless of the fact that the incident was the same. Other "angles" provide more dimensions and yield more solutions.

Hold Your Horses

While I haven't yet uttered the familiar "Hold your horses" request to any of the children, I often have to tell myself to do the same. It isn't always convenient or appropriate to dispel information to the parents, especially when there are other factors such as schedules to adhere to and children that have needs to be met. It is difficult to "hold back" semi-important information, but finding the right time to discuss that information makes all the difference. Information is more well-received when it is provided in a clear, timely manner, rather than during a time such as the before-school time crunch.

It's often a wild ride that a nanny is taken on, even if the children are as well-behaved as Justin, Zachary and Catherine. Opening the lines of communication can also help a nanny find a better way to "hold those horses" and ask for cues from the parents to ensure that information isn't provided during an inopportune time. Additionally, asking the parents for a family-nanny conference is important, but timing is the key. Including the children in important decisions allows them to see that they are an important component of the family and allows the family to see their viewpoints and concerns in a safe environment.

When the starting gate opens and the horses pour out onto the race track, everyone has to be prepared. As a nanny, even if you don't have the option of a daily parent-nanny meeting, you still have to be able to hold your horse until you reach the finish line...and when you have an opportunity to consult the parents, you can take your place in the winner's circle.