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Welcome to the Divorce

Weekly Column...

By:  Darlene Zagata

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Healing The Divorce Wound

Healing from the wound of divorce can take more time than what most people realize. Divorce can be devastating, particularly to those who were on the receiving end and not the initializers. Recovering from a divorce that you did not want, but seemed inevitable, may be a long process. Diving head first into a new set of circumstances is never easy, even when you're looking forward to change. A person who contested the divorce process and struggled to keep the marriage alive, will normally have a more difficult time adjusting to the new circumstances that follow divorce. Even those who were the aggressors in the divorce proceedings may find themselves having some problems settling in to their new way of life.

Many people who end up divorced still love their spouse; they just couldn't live with them. There are also those couples who, after divorce, find that they would rather be with their ex-spouse, and so they get married again to the ex-wife or husband. This is not as odd or uncommon as it seems. The reasons behind divorce are as wide and varied as the people themselves. People file for divorce for reasons anywhere from abuse, to infidelity, to just wanting their freedom, or being angry at the moment.

Many times people will do things out of spite, or simply because they are hurt, but don't want to admit that they have been hurt. There are also instances when a spouse will start divorce proceedings that they really don't want to follow through with, but once they have made the first move, they feel backed in a corner and don't know how to undo what they have done. They are afraid that they will appear weak if they back out at the last moment. When a spouse says that they want a divorce, for whatever reason, it can be devastating. The hurt and anger can be overwhelming. Some people may react by trying to do everything possible to get the spouse to reconsider, while others may agree to their spouse's decision to go separate ways, whether they want to, or not.

Letting go is one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship. Love is the most integral component in life, or at least it should be, but so many factors can cloud our vision and keep us from seeing clearly, that we are not always certain of what we truly want. This is why it is crucial to look deeply into your relationship, and your heart, to make sure you know what you want. A wrong decision is not only hurtful to others, but to the self, as well. Sometimes even more.

 

 

 

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