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Preview: Training Up
All children are in training.
Whether they have a specific program, a good coach or a bad one, children are driven from within to practice newfound skills.
It’s part of their nature.
Over the years, there has been great controversy on the best ways to do this.
Some have even gone so far as to proclaim that the best way is to have no way at all, and to simply let the children ferret out their own ways.
But even ferrets train up their young.
Passing along secrets in the world of Nature is a survival thing, and failure to master certain skills can be the deciding factor as to whether an animal lives out its life to the fullest or dies young.
In the same way, many of History’s successful families have remained so for generations – not because they had a corner on producing more than their share of offspring with high IQ – but because they passed the secrets of
success down to their children.
If children learn sixty percent by watching, thirty percent by doing and only ten percent by what is told to them, maybe we should be a little more concerned about what they see.
And if you are thinking what you fail to teach your child at home will be covered in school… think, again.
Everything after the fifth grade is nothing but review, except for a few subjects like algebra and biology, which are merely requirements for higher education.
In the present public system it has become more important to learn how to operate a computer or drive a car than to teach the value and maintenance of human relationships.
And until they start offering Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends and Influence People” as a requirement for graduation, the job of teaching “LIFE 101” is pretty much left up to the parent.
In spite of recent trends, there are still only two ways to do this.
training up or training down.
There are numerous methods to prove either way, but the fact remains that the coin only has two sides and it’s going to land “heads” or “tails” no matter how you throw it.
Good or bad.
Positive or Negative.
Up or down.
Oddly enough, the most widely accepted method is to train down.
Most parents feel that discipline means to keep their children in line or correct them when they do bad things.
The trouble is, interaction is pretty limited on this level.
It is sporadic, and almost always emotional.
The boundaries most often stay on the physical plane, even though – in the long run – the soul turns out to be a much better captain of behavior.
 On the other hand, training up has a much wider range of possibilities.
A bevy of acceptable choices for challenging achievements is a more potent system of motivation than a list of rules telling us what we cannot do.
A parent who motivates by encouragement instead of bossiness, becomes a counselor rather than a dictator.
And while it is the destiny of all dictators to eventually be overthrown, the wisdom of good counselors gets passed down from generation to generation.
Training up promotes self-discipline as opposed to enforced boundaries.
In the same way a fence is an open challenge to get around, under or through; a ladder is a temptation to climb.
And if boredom is a major problem in today’s homes, training for something of value provides the interest and time enrichment that idleness denies.
The dictionary defines discipline as “instruction; training of the mind, or body, or the moral faculties; subjection to authority; self-control; (and FINALLY) to improve behavior by
judicious penal methods.” And if Webster is following his typical method of listing things in the order of their importance… we should probably begin at the top instead of the bottom of this list.
History proves that successful people are disciplined people, and children that experience the benefits of a disciplined life early on, will advance farther and faster than those who don’t.
Training up promotes determination and perseverance in an otherwise passive world. It provides an outlet for those frustrating periods of high energy and closed in spaces that so many families today are faced with.
But don’t confuse training up with sports or hobbies alone.
Unless these things are linked with goal planning and personal development, they become nothing more than glorified pastimes.
It is human nature to be constantly striving with the status quo and asking, why. So, in order for an interest to hold, there has to be a reason.
Point out the reasons along Life’s roadways. Engaging the mind will hold the attention much longer than merely engaging the body.
To realize that everything in the world has a connection – and then to hunt for those connections – gives children the mental organization for clear thinking.
Learning becomes a challenge that turns into confidence with each new discovery.
To set goals and achieve them is the best form of personal development there is, and always leads to higher self-esteem.
 Johnny will get more out of his piano lessons if he is practicing for a concert
than simply learning one song after another.
And if he discovers that people actually enjoy his performance, he will develop more than a deeper commitment to his music… he will become “hooked” on bringing pleasure to others.
Anytime a child rises to an occasion, or grasps hold of a value and makes it part of himself, he is being trained up.
To make practice times a torture by threatening chores or punishments if not carried out to the letter, is training down.
The effort we put into things adds value to them.
By nature, children spend the greatest amount of their effort – not on what has become routine – but right out on the very edge of their reach.
That’s why it’s important for us as parents to keep up with them.
We must make it a priority not to treat Sarah like a five-year-old if she is six or seven.
Not only will it hinder her achievements, it will foster complacency and boredom with her daily routines. It will become more difficult to spark her natural enthusiasms.
The time to let her help in the cooking is when she is eager to learn how, even though it’s more work for you while she’s learning.
Don’t criticize her if more lettuce and tomatoes end up on the floor than in the salad bowl.
If YOU have more patience now, you won’t be wondering why she isn’t the least bit interested at the age of ten… it’s because you’ve been doing everything FOR her and she has long since changed her interests while you were
waiting for her to get a little bigger.
Here are some guidelines to help you recognize a training up opportunity:
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CONVERT NEGATIVES TO POSITIVES.
If Billy wants a paper route, don’t say, “No, you’re too young.”
Exchange it for something like “I’m sure you’re responsible enough.
But we’ll have to wait until you’re a little bit older before we can talk about it.”
Or, instead of “If you don’t finish cleaning this room, I’m going to…”
Try: “You’re doing a great job so far!
Think you can finish before dinner?”
And you can always exchange “Get in this house right now!” to “You can have five more minutes before you have to come in.”
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RAISE THE STANDARD.
Training up always encourages to try harder, reach higher, learn more, do more, and say more.
It never discourages or puts anybody down.
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BE CONSISTENT.
If your child sets a goal, help them keep at it.
If your teenager is on a diet, change family pizza night to taco salad or broiled dinner once in awhile.
If they start a project, help them out if they start to lag toward the finish.
“up the ante” and encourage them to keep on.
 The decision to train up or down rests solely with the parent.
And many times parents are not aware that they have any choice in the matter, at all.
That’s because most of us will stick to the same method our own parents used when we were children.
It’s only when we run into trouble that we seem to start looking around for a better way of doing things.
But any efforts you make to train up your children will come back to you in multiple rewards.
Not only will you be turning more family time into PRIME TIME, you’ll be turning out children of purpos
So, TRAIN them UP.
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This is an excerpt from the second volume in D. Ann Graham's PRIME TIME PARENTING series called "Training Up." Ever feel like you could be
doing more as a parent? Well you can be! Beyond discipline there comes an exciting crossroad for parent and child... and it's called training.
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